The Roller Coaster

I have been a bit lax in my writing… too many other things going on… I’ve got a couple other posts started… but you see how far that has gotten… sigh…

I am a bit of an emotional wreck right now… It’s the holidays… we, like every other person in this country, have a lot on our plate right now. However, we have the added roller coaster of my 85 year old Grandfather being in the hospital. He fell and broke his leg last week… which started the roller coaster. Not that he was in the best of health before, but we knew what to expect… he was Grandpa, a tired, funny, hard of hearing, caring man. When you called and talked to Grandma, she would tell you he was “about the same.” And you knew what that meant.

About the same has taken on a very different meaning these last five days.

See, somewhere along the way, Grandpa’s heart has gone from running on six cylinders to running on two… yes 2. We don’t really know how much was done this weekend, and how much has been over the last several years. We are hoping to know more in the morning. He’s going in for another surgery. One that will, hopefully, tell us if there is anything that can be done to improve his quality of life… and really, to save his life.

Now “about the same” means he is doing better one minute, and not doing good the next. It means the drs have been concerned they won’t be able to stabilize him. It means things can go south very fast.

Have you lost a loved one? More than one? We all see our share of loss… sometimes I feel like I’ve been handed more than my share… and I’m sure it’s just self pity, ‘cuz we all go through it… I have buried a Grandmother, Step Grandmother, an aunt, an uncle, and countless extended family. In 2002 I buried seven family members in a three month stretch (with 5 of those being from one family killed in a house explosion).  In 2006 we had lost one of our cats to cancer on Dec. 23 and had our 5th miscarriage on Dec. 24.

And now we are riding this roller coaster of loss again… up and down… gonna loose him… doing better… hurry up and wait… I don’t know how anyone who doesn’t know the peace of Jesus can walk this road. And yet people do it every day.

I promise the next post will not be so depressing… I’m going to put up pictures of the Grinch on Ice.. That was fun… Thanks for letting me vent a bit.

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